So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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