Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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