Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
