Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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