So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
