Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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