so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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