I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
