Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
