I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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