i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
