Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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