I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
