Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
