so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
