I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
