Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want nice things and good sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
