I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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