Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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