Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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