Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We need to rekindle our bromance
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
