Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
