I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
