I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
