Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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