Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
