And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
