You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
