but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
