oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
