is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
