roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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