I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
