Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
