Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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