Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
