hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
