I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
im on a boat
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