You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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