I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
