Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
