I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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