the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
