yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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