My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
