I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
