a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
