you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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