what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
