I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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